thefatjewish

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish

Contact 4 credit: Emailio.Addresstevez@gmail You can't get an STD if you never get tested.
thefatjewish (thefatjewish) Instagram Photos and Videos

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


Meeting for a drink in a crowded restaurant with a dentist you met on a dating website used to be terrifying, now you'll get in a Nissan Altima Uber X alone with a Persian creep driving who goes through a bottle of cologne every 3 months and is blasting house music. ( @carols10cents)

3 Days ago
thefatjewish (thefatjewish) Instagram Photos and Videos

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


"Me and my friends are soooo crazy and funny, we should have a TV show" -a not crazy girl with unfunny friends who shouldn't have a tv show

4 Days ago
thefatjewish (thefatjewish) Instagram Photos and Videos

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


ARE. YOU. FUCKING. KIDDING. ME. (If i ever see this douche canoe in person I'm giving him an atomic wedgie for disrespecting the greatest film franchise in the history of cinema)

5 Days ago
thefatjewish (thefatjewish) Instagram Photos and Videos

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


Every year, at Coachella time, the good people of @whitegirlwine try to help you be a less unbearable human being. However, we definitely support you fingering/ getting fingered at sunrise while listening to EDM! Go to www.swishbev.com the rosé comes in bottles and cans and will make life less horrendous.

10 Days ago
thefatjewish (thefatjewish) Instagram Photos and Videos

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


WHY DIDN'T THAT GUY JUST GIVE THE OFFICERS ON THE PLANE A FUCKING PEPSI

14 Days ago
thefatjewish (thefatjewish) Instagram Photos and Videos

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


"The true New Yorker secretly believes that people living anywhere else have to be, in some sense, kidding" -John Updike ( @nyknicks @thejtsimon)

15 Days ago
thefatjewish (thefatjewish) Instagram Photos and Videos

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


There will never be another week of my life that is more fucking lit than this one.

21 Days ago
thefatjewish (thefatjewish) Instagram Photos and Videos

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


GATES AND BUFFET I KNOW YOU'RE CLEANING THE WORLD'S WATER OR WHATEVER BUT YOU NEED TO START BALLING, THE FACT THAT NEITHER OF YOU OWN AN OSTRICH IS APPALLING ( @sadmichaeljordan)

22 Days ago
thefatjewish (thefatjewish) Instagram Photos and Videos

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


Soooo apparently @parishilton is a genius and helped create a droplet of water that is 1000x more hydrating than a bottle of water, thus eliminating millions of plastic bottles a year YES PEOPLE, PARIS HILTON IS GOING TO SAVE THE EARTH AND YOU CAN HELP HER TOO (link in bio) sodastream nanodrop

22 Days ago
thefatjewish (thefatjewish) Instagram Photos and Videos

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


EATING SUPERFOODS DOESN'T UNDO ALL YOUR QUESTIONABLE DECISIONS, YOU CAN'T DRINK ENOUGH MATCHA 🍵 TO MAKE YOUR BODY OK AFTER HAVING UNPROTECTED SEX WITH A GUY NAMED JEFF WITH LEG TATTOOS

26 Days ago
thefatjewish (thefatjewish) Instagram Photos and Videos

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


Literally nothing worse than a white child named Daffodil Yogurt in a store screaming like she's being murdered while her parents are asking her to "talk through her feelings" @tank.sinatra

29 Days ago
thefatjewish (thefatjewish) Instagram Photos and Videos

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


Oh man, soooo many exposed boobs to suckle if you're a baby on Spring Break.

31 Days ago
thefatjewish (thefatjewish) Instagram Photos and Videos

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


HE LITERALLY MAKES CARIBBEAN LOUNGE MUSIC. ( @ruiner)

37 Days ago
thefatjewish (thefatjewish) Instagram Photos and Videos

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


I speak to about 12 people total, so am I ever going to call or text this girl in my phone that I poorly fingerblasted at Jewish summer camp in 1999 and haven't spoke to since? Probably not. BUT FOR SOME REASON I'M NEVER EVER DELETING IT.

38 Days ago
thefatjewish (thefatjewish) Instagram Photos and Videos

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


Your grandmother could change a tire in a blizzard while holding a screaming baby and drinking warm gin simultaneously. You take photos of your caprese salad so people you basically hate being friends with can "like" them and get crippling anxiety if they don't.

42 Days ago
thefatjewish (thefatjewish) Instagram Photos and Videos

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


46 Days ago
thefatjewish (thefatjewish) Instagram Photos and Videos

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


I will eat an entire log of cookie dough for dinner. Why? BECAUSE FUCK YOU MOM I'M AN ADULT THAT'S WHY

51 Days ago
thefatjewish (thefatjewish) Instagram Photos and Videos

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


I met a couple in Austin last week who named their child Frozen. YES, FROZEN. FUCKING FROZEN.

55 Days ago
thefatjewish (thefatjewish) Instagram Photos and Videos

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


You all looked great in 2000. Actually, not the guy from Blues Traveller, he looked fucking insane. ( @bridgettobin)

55 Days ago
thefatjewish (thefatjewish) Instagram Photos and Videos

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


WHAT. THE. FUCK. IS. THAT. ARE. YOU. AN. ACTUAL. HUMAN. BEING. ALSO. WHY. DO. YOU. HAVE. HANDS. LIKE. THE. GRINCH.

58 Days ago
thefatjewish (thefatjewish) Instagram Photos and Videos

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


REAL G SHIT BRUH (not real G shit actually. I wore a turtleneck, khakis and loafers every day until I was like 13, I looked like a rich power gay architect)

61 Days ago
thefatjewish (thefatjewish) Instagram Photos and Videos

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


THEY SEE ME ROLLING/ THEY HATING/ BECAUSE I'M THE OLDEST LIVING FUCKING MONARCH

63 Days ago
thefatjewish (thefatjewish) Instagram Photos and Videos

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


I'M GONNA GET THE TWINS MATCHING STAINLESS STEEL PANINI MAKERS

64 Days ago
thefatjewish (thefatjewish) Instagram Photos and Videos

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


One time I tried to smell Carrie Underwood's hair from behind at an event and got choked out by a security guard named Rage! Super fun!

66 Days ago
thefatjewish (thefatjewish) Instagram Photos and Videos

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


I miss when Chris Pratt was husky and wore cargo shorts and had a weird Abe Lincoln beard, now he's got abs to his neck and wears suits

70 Days ago
thefatjewish (thefatjewish) Instagram Photos and Videos

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


A card from a pharmacy won't do anything to quell the deep and undying hatred that your significant other has in her heart for you, but it's a nice thought I guess? ( @drunkpeopledoingthings)

70 Days ago
thefatjewish (thefatjewish) Instagram Photos and Videos

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


I MADE LOVE TO A LASAGNA THIS MORNING.

70 Days ago
thefatjewish (thefatjewish) Instagram Photos and Videos

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


She definitely asked to speak with the manager and is married to a former date rapist named Randy. ( @sadmichaeljordan)

72 Days ago
thefatjewish (thefatjewish) Instagram Photos and Videos

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


I'd rather spend the day in a souped up Mitsubishi Eclipse with a high spoiler with my grandma, Ol' Dirty Bastard and Paul Walker, Toyko drifting across the clouds 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

74 Days ago
thefatjewish (thefatjewish) Instagram Photos and Videos

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


It's literally the cost of a fucking salad at Whole Foods if you get one hardboiled egg.

75 Days ago
thefatjewish (thefatjewish) Instagram Photos and Videos

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


This dog is basically a rich power gay architect who owns a sunsplashed brownstone and says things like "is Susan fucking SERIOUS with that Michael Kors bag?"

76 Days ago
thefatjewish (thefatjewish) Instagram Photos and Videos

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


Obama is listening to Luther Vandross and getting all up in Michelle's ham wallet on gold silk sheets and parasailing and drinking out of coconuts and taking a few hits off a jay. He's so fucking over it.

76 Days ago
thefatjewish (thefatjewish) Instagram Photos and Videos

thefatjewish

@thefatjewish


Comment from thefatjewish:


ALSO I SNORTED A LINE OF GUACAMOLE AT THE SUPER BOWL PARTY TO MAKE MY FRIENDS LAUGH AND THEY DIDN'T EVEN THINK IT WAS FUNNY AND NOW IM FUCKING NAUSEOUS.

79 Days ago